As we progress through a week where temperatures will break heat records for July, I am wondering what else Mother Nature would like to throw at us. She made me chop my tree down in June so I have no defense against her raging inferno, at least in the front section of my house. The pump blew on my pool and without the filter, the algae sets in pretty quick and, unless you like swimming in swamp water, this pretty much voids the back yard as a sanctuary from the sun. And, believe it or not, replacement pumps are sold out locally and two weeks back ordered.

So what are the alternatives? Apart from stationing myself in the kitchen, where the air conditioning is most effective ,I am going to need to find a way to embrace this climate and head for the great outdoors. Specifically by exploiting the refreshing grandeur of our surrounding lakes. This will have a three part effect, as the water not only offers it’s cool solace from the scorching sun, but also, being conscious of our current predicament, according to sources, there is no scientific evidence this dastardly virus is transmittable through water, nor can it survive long in temperatures over 30 degrees. This, of course, is a mix of Simon-doctrine and scientific evidence, however, it is most likely healthier to be out on the water then on some crowded beach, and the beaches are a popular spot with all kinds of tourist this year.

Later Update: As if by the great gods of Murphy’s bloody law, I arrived home today from having coffee with a friend only to discover, after sixteen years of flawless loyalty, my air conditioner has given out. Probably because it’s the hottest week of the year and I am convinced, like a wild horse, this house is trying to buck me off. These last few months have been brutal and I am beginning to feel betrayed by the walls we live in. She’s an old grump of a house and she’s getting cranky. Almost time for a full makeover, I think.

Where was I…?

So, I found a really good inflatable dinghy for a good price online. It’s a 9 foot Mariner 3-man boat with a solid floor, aluminum oars, inflatable seats and a waterproof pouch to hold your belongings. I’ve taken it out a couple of times with both my kids as passengers. It is utterly liberating to be out on the water, entirely in touch with the swelling lake currents, rowing about in the sunshine without a care in the world, and it has given me an outlet for exercise that is not stationary and does not entail pedaling my bike along the precarious shoulders of the city streets. I am convinced this is the most exciting purchase I’ve made since driving away in my silver RAV 4 almost five years ago!

It also aligns nicely with the next phase of my virtual journey through southern UK and parts of France. I have pedaled from London, down through Maidstone, Ashford and then to England’s southern port town, Dover, county Kent. I have been struggling to invent a way to simulate my travels across the English channel and this is the perfect mechanism. The boat has a Boston Valve which allows it to deflate in seconds. The other day I timed myself: From home, I drove to Naramata, inflated the boat, had a good row, enjoyed a cold drink while I bounced in the waves and then had it back in my car and home in 90 minutes total. No roof racks, mooring or trailers. It’s a nine foot boat that fits in the back of a car. How cool is that?

For some strange reason, this year, I have been tricked into believing I am a year older then I am. Most likely it’s the same demon that shut my air conditioner off and messed around with my sewer lines and the old maple out front. I have gone through the year filing forms and telling everyone that I am 57, and, as you know, when a guy reaches his mid fifties, it becomes imperative that each precious year aged has been accounted for. Having been a little suspicious, I did my homework and calculated -there are apps that do this for you, believe it or not- I calculated that I am, in fact, 56! By the great gods of mercy, I have aged backwards this year. I have only just turned 57! What a revelation that was, and to celebrate, I decided this week, I would work my way towards my birthday with a daily ritual. I have declared this week, and all future weeks leading up to my birthday, as Tom Hanks week! For no other reason then, I like movies and he happens to be in many of those that I like.

So without further meanderings or delay, I present to you below, the agenda which ensued for the week of July 27 to August 1. Enjoy….

Happy “Tom Hanks” week!

Monday July 27. Temperature high: 33 degrees and sunny on the water. No rowing.

Movie: The Green Mile. Best line: “The world turns, that’s all. You can hold on and turn with it, or stand up to protest and be spun right off.”

Tuesday July 28. Temperature high: 34 degrees and sunny on the water. (conditions choppy). 30 minutes of solid rowing.

Pool pump dies.

Movie: Joe vs the Volcano. Best line: “My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk too. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of total amazement”

Wednesday July 29. Temperature high: 36 degrees on the water. 20 minutes of lake swimming.

Air conditioner goes on the fritz.

Movie: Captain Philips. Best line: “You could have had $30,000.00 and been in Somalia”

Thursday July 30. Temperature high: 37 degrees and sunny on the water. 30 minutes of rowing. Conditions choppy and a 20 km bike ride.

Turn 57 (not 58!)

Movie: Castaway. Best line: “WILSON!!!……”

Friday July 31. Temperature high: 38 degrees on the water. Rowans birthday and Westbank Teenager retrieval.

First day of being 57.

Movie: Toy Story 4. Best line: “Being there for a child is the most noble thing a toy can do”

In closing, in the 1995 movie Apollo 13 when Jim Lovell discovered the explosion which crippled their space flight, the original sentence communicated to NASA mission control center was “ Oh Houston we’ve had a problem here”. This set in motion a chain of catastrophic events which should have been the end of the the mission as well as the lives of the three astronauts on board. However, by some miracle and a few heroic decisions orchestrated by ground control and carried out on board the ill fated craft, all tree men made it home alive.

There have been days, more recently then others, when I have examined the world, my city and the house I live in and often those same words echo… “Oh Houston we’ve had a problem here” …

But I am learning. Just like the rest of my earthly colleagues, sometimes the shit hits the fan and often it’s for no fault of our own. I know my house is getting old, I know half the country is out of work. I know there will be days when my sewer will back up, or my phone will run out of battery during an important call. I know the world aches for a time when we can shake hands and hug again, and I know that families sometimes fall apart or the car won’t start and always at the exact time when you really need it to.

It has all happened to me. But I have learned, so now I stop, I stand back and utter the words of Chuck Noland in the film Castaway, as he recounts the memories of being stranded on a deserted island for four years:

“And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?”